Finding True Love: The Right Way to the Right One
In our search for love and companionship, we often find ourselves asking, “Who is the right one for me?” It’s a question that has plagued humanity for generations, and in today’s fast-paced, interconnected world, it seems more relevant than ever. But what if we’re approaching this question all wrong? What if the key to finding the right person isn’t about looking out, but first looking up and in?
Let’s explore three common misconceptions about finding “the one” and how we can shift our perspective to align with God’s plan for our relationships.
- The Happiness Myth
Many of us believe that the right person will make us happy. We search for someone who will complete us, fill our emotional voids, and bring constant joy to our lives. But here’s the truth: no human being can be the source of our lasting happiness.
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:25-27, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
This passage reveals that God’s intention for marriage isn’t primarily about making us happy, but about making us holy. When we place the burden of our happiness on another person, we set ourselves and our relationships up for disappointment and frustration.
- The Wholeness Illusion
Another common belief is that the right person will make us whole. We think that once we find our “other half,” we’ll finally feel complete. But this idea contradicts what the Bible teaches us about our identity in Christ.
Colossians 2:10 states, “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.” We are already made whole through our relationship with Jesus. Expecting another person to complete us is not only unrealistic but also places an unfair burden on them.
- The Passion Pursuit
Many of us are on a quest for that spark, that undeniable chemistry that we believe signifies we’ve found “the one.” While attraction and passion are important aspects of a romantic relationship, they shouldn’t be the foundation.
Studies show that intense romantic feelings typically last between six weeks and 18 months. What happens when the initial excitement fades? A relationship built solely on passion is like a house built on sand – it won’t withstand the storms of life.
So, if these aren’t the right ways to find the right one, what is?
The Recipe for a Lasting Relationship
Imagine you’re baking a cake. You have a beautiful picture of the finished product, but without following the recipe step by step, you’ll probably just end up with a mess. The same principle applies to relationships.
Many people try to skip steps or rush the process, focusing on the physical or emotional aspects before building a solid foundation. But just like baking, there’s a proper order to building a healthy relationship:
- Spiritual: Start by cultivating your relationship with God. Become the person He’s calling you to be.
- Social: Surround yourself with supportive, wise friends who can offer guidance and accountability.
- Personal: Get to know the other person deeply, beyond surface-level attractions.
- Emotional: Allow feelings to develop naturally as you build trust and intimacy.
- Physical: Save physical intimacy for the right time, within the context of a lifelong marriage commitment.
1 Corinthians 3:10-11 reminds us of the importance of building on a solid foundation: By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.
Becoming the Right One
Instead of focusing all our energy on finding the right person, what if we redirected that effort towards becoming the right person? This shift in perspective can transform not only our approach to relationships but our entire lives.
Psalm 37:4 offers a beautiful promise: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When we prioritize our relationship with God, He shapes our desires and leads us toward the relationships that align with His will for our lives.
This doesn’t mean the journey will be easy or free from challenges. Relationships require work, compromise, and forgiveness. But when two people who are secure in their identity in Christ come together, it creates a beautiful foundation for a lasting, God-centered relationship.
A Word of Encouragement
If you’re single, use this time to focus on your spiritual growth and becoming the person God is calling you to be. Don’t rush the process or try to force a relationship before its time.
If you’re in a relationship or married, remember that your partner cannot fulfill needs that only God can meet. Release them from that impossible expectation and turn to God as your ultimate source of love, security, and fulfillment.
And if you feel like you’ve made mistakes in your past relationships, take heart. A broken thing can become a blessed thing when you let God rebuild it. It’s never too late to start following His blueprint for love and relationships.
In conclusion, the journey to finding “the right one” isn’t about discovering a perfect person who will make us happy, whole, or passionate. It’s about becoming the right person ourselves – rooted in Christ, surrounded by community, and ready to build a relationship on the solid foundation of faith. When we align our hearts with God’s, we open ourselves to experiencing love in its purest, most fulfilling form – the kind of love that reflects His own heart for us.